You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
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My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
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She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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