It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
