Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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