every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
