so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
