she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
