I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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