moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
