i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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