i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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