Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
