so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
