How'd it feel making her break her religion?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
