he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
