thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
