i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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