I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
