But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
