they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The air taste purple.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
