Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
