he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
