We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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