Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
