i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
not ubering you a puppy
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So. Much. Porn.
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