Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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