I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
