i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
