Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
