I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
