3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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