Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
