Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
