you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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