trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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