I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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