3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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