I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
