I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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