Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
