this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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