I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
