Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
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