He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
