I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
