Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
