So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
