how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
