I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize