I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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