Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
