When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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