okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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