loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
