Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
