Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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