Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
