Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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