After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize