I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
