In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
