Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
