She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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