I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
