Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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