You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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