this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
